Mission: Weekend at Penny's
by lachatdelarue
Summary: Penny takes the boys to visit her family. Written for the prompt Penny/Sheldon - three days in Nebraska for smallfandomfest @ livejournal.


T minus 4 days - Monday

When she had first invited the boys to spend the weekend with her and her extended family at her aunt and uncle's lake cabin near Salt Lake City, Utah, Penny hadn't really expected them to accept. Well, no. She knew Wolowitz would, then he would say something wildly inappropriate about sleeping arrangements or hot cousins and she would have to be stern with him again (which he did and she was). It was the other three saying they'd be happy to go that surprised her.

T minus 1 day - Thursday

She tried to prepare both her family and her friends for the, uh, quirks of the other set. Warned the boys of her family's strong Nebraska roots and the possibility of sports, told her parents of varying food issues her friends had, anything she could think of to make things go smoothly.

She should have known no one would listen to her.

Lift-off - Friday 6am

Amazingly, everyone was packed and in the car (Leonard up front, the other three boys squeezed into the back) by 6am. They had a 12 hour drive ahead of them, but at least it wasn't the two-day trip Nebraska would have been. Penny had a bad enough feeling about the next few days as it was.

Hour 1 - Friday 7am

They hadn't gotten very far when Wolowitz's mother called him. Penny wasn't sure exactly what was said to him, but she did catch "right now, young man!" "goyim" and a bucket-load of "oy vey"s, while Wolowitz hunched down in the corner of the back seat, phone pressed close to his ear and mouth. After hanging up, he sheepishly asked her to take him back home.

Hour 6 - Friday 12pm

Leonard's carsickness hit a critical point and they were stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere for an hour while he puked his guts out and tried to recover, Koothrappali ducked his head continuously when the pretty station attendant tried to flirt with him, and Sheldon refused to use the public bathroom.

Hour 15 - Friday 9pm

When they finally got there, they had missed dinner and her father and uncle were three sheets to the wind, shouting profanities at an old TiVO'd football game. Penny's mother nuked some leftovers for them while Penny helped the boys get their stuff put up.

Hour 26 - Saturday 8am

Breakfast was pancakes (made with milk), scrambled eggs (also made with milk), cheese biscuits, bacon and, well, milk. Penny pulled her mother aside and tried to explain to her, again, that Leonard couldn't eat dairy products. Mother insisted that was nonsense, and piled his plate high with everything.

Hour 28 – Saturday 10am

After much teasing and a bit of macho bullying from Penny's male relatives, Leonard and Sheldon were forced into playing a game of touch football with the cousins. After going on for nearly fifteen minutes about trajectory lines, the relative velocity of an oblong considering wind speeds and high altitudes, and the testosterone-driven male need for competition, all while refusing to touch the ball, Sheldon was kicked out of the game.

Hour 30 – Saturday 12pm

Penny decided it was time to give the two groups a break from each other. (Sheldon had managed to make her littlest cousin cry with his explanation of the mechanics of flatulence after Leonard had broken down and eaten more than just bacon for breakfast.) She took Leonard and Sheldon down to the lake where she discovered that neither knew how to swim, and further more, did she know what kinds of terrible germs and bacteria grew in lakes?

Hour 31 - Saturday 1pm

Penny failed multiple times to talk the boys into joining her in the water, though Sheldon had deigned to sit on the ground next to Leonard, but changed his mind just before Leonard begged off, complaining of continuing gastrointestinal turmoil and returned to the house. There he got a lecture from Penny's mom about how not drinking milk was "un-American".

Hour 32 – Saturday 2pm

"Wait a minute... Where's Koothrappali?"

Penny remembered her friend telling her about the "great listener" from the Halloween party, then connected that with the absence of a certain family member.

"Better question... Where's my cousin Rachel?"

Hour 38 – Saturday 8pm

After a dinner slightly less dairy-y than breakfast had been, Penny's family decided to go out for ice cream. The three Californians opted to stay behind (there was still no sign of Koothrappali).

Penny set up the DVD player in her room and, after Sheldon had spent an inordinate amount of time finding the right seat (the left side of her bed, propped up by multiple pillows), they settled down to watch a television series DVD that Leonard had with him (with commentary, of course).

Hour 39 – Saturday 9pm

Leonard decided to go to bed, since milk really wasn't his friend. (She *really* needed to explain "lactose intolerant" to her mom). Penny gave up on the hard chair she had been sitting in and crawled under the blankets on the right side of the bed, earning her a reproachful look from Sheldon for disturbing him.

Hour 41 – Saturday 11pm

Penny was starting to fall asleep. It was a good show, but, commentary? Really? She thought of telling Sheldon she wanted to actually go to bed, but he was so cute sitting there, a throw clutched to his chin as he watched the main character do something witty and science fictiony and a writer or something droned over the dialog. And he was actually being quiet. Screw it.

Hour 50 – Sunday 8am

Penny woke to find a sleeping Sheldon on her bed. The TV was still on, the DVD's menu music playing over and over. He looked all peaceful lying there, throw still tucked up under his chin. She quietly turned the set off. Planting a quick kiss on his cheek, she went to take a shower.

Hour 50.5 - Sunday 8:30 am

Returning to her room, Penny found that Sheldon was awake now. He had put the DVD back on, this time without the commentary. He proclaimed that he was not leaving that room until it was time to go home. He also said something about Neanderthals and primitive living conditions that Penny didn't quite catch. She figured she could hide in there too and let Leonard deal with her family alone today. God knows she didn't want to.

Hour 52 - Sunday 10am

During a particularly scary scene, Penny yelped and grabbed onto Sheldon's arm (he had staunchly refused to give up his "perfect spot", so she had been just as stubborn about staying on the bed). Sheldon looked at her perplexed for a moment, then explained to her why the scene on the television was patently impossible, assuming that one could travel through time and space. For a wonder, Penny actually found his monologue interesting.

Hour 54 - Sunday 12pm

Penny and Sheldon still hadn't actually left the room. Penny had been sucked fully into the program and Sheldon was equally engrossed in explaining the finer details of it to her. Her family was too busy dealing with a minor fire in the kitchen to notice her absence.

Hour 56 - Sunday 2pm

In between DVD's, not having eaten all day, Sheldon snuck to the room he had previously been sharing with Leonard to retrieve his emergency rations from his bags. Penny called him her knight in shining armor. He also brought Penny a note left by Leonard. He had been abducted by her family and taken to the mall.

Hour 58 - Sunday 4pm

Penny kissed Sheldon. She was shocked at herself, but no less than he was. It must have been the fresh mountain air going to her head. Or too much family time. Or something.

Sheldon recalled a study that showed that kissing was a mate-assessment strategy, a way to initiate sexual arousal and maintain a bonded relationship. This was indeed highly illogical.

But then she did it again.

Hour 64 - Sunday 10pm

Koothrappali appears from seemingly nowhere into the living room.

"Hey guys. Wait a minute... where's Sheldon?"


End file.
